MIL in the Wild: Wedding Cake Saga


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442 shares, 826 points

+4257 – **I am not OP; originally posted in** r/JUSTNOMIL **by** u/anonymousmousegirl

**I’ve made minor edits to remove repetition**

# [Original post (29 April 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/68agyh/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition/)

I work part time in a bakery. We have three employers who specialize in wedding cake design. Part of my job is to meet with the customers, show them our list of flavors and photos of previously made wedding cakes, and get a feel for which designer would best fit their needs.

There was a couple scheduled to be seen at 9:30 this morning. Imagine my surprise when they show up at 8:15 with an older woman in tow. It’s a little annoying because we were slammed with a morning rush, but my boss told me to take care of them instead.

So I go over, introduce myself to the couple, give congratulations, do my normal song and dance. We have x flavors, these are our most popular choices, these are some of the cakes we have done, etc. The DIL takes the book and holds it in her lap so only she and her FH can see it. The older woman sighs and goes outside to smoke. The couple is lovely and have flagged four designs they liked within fifteen minutes. Older woman comes back in and asks what she missed. FH shows her the designs they like and she automatically starts to complain.

No, that’s too detailed. That’s too plain. That’s not big enough. That’s too big.

It was like listening to an old cranky version of Goldilocks.

I side-eye the shit out of the older woman and ask the DIL how many guests they are having. She answers and the older woman intervenes again and gives a number that is twice what the DIL said.

DIL reiterates the original number and tells the MIL that they are having a small wedding.

MIL whines and says she’s already invited people and can’t uninvite them because it would be rude. DIL shrugs. MIL turns to me and tells me the larger number again.

Me: Sorry, bride has the final say.

MIL: Well, why did I even bother coming if no one will listen?

DIL: I don’t know why you insisted on coming.

MIL: My son is getting married! It’s my right to be here!

DIL: He’s marrying me. You can come along for planning but I don’t need your input. If I want it, I will ask.

MIL: I need a cigarette.

MIL goes outside to smoke. I am staring at the DIL in wonder because *oh my god the spine.* DIL turns to the spineless wonder that is her FH – who has been silently staring at the floor like he wants to become one with it – and glares at him.

DIL: I told you this was going to happen.

FH: What am I supposed to do?

DIL: Control. Your. Mother. Or I will.

FH sighs and goes after his mother. He looks like he’s heading to a firing squad.

DIL turns to me, apologizes for the scene, and asks about setting up a tasting and meeting with the designer. I schedule the appointments and let her know we can set a password so no unauthorized changes can be made to the dates or cake. She takes me up on the offer, tells me to make a note to not share the password with her future husband, and leaves.

I am torn between awe at her spine and sympathy that she felt the need to use the password and hide it from her FH.

# [Update 1 (3 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/68×424/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update/)

Looks like this situation isn’t over yet.

Background: The MIL had a very thick and identifiable accent. It’s not one I hear very often in my area. FH and DIL did not have accents. This is important.

I was cleaning my station when the phone rang. My coworker answered and said the call was about a wedding cake. I was desperate to go home, but I had to deal with it since I was the only one there today who worked with any wedding cakes this week.

Me: Hello, this is \[Bakery\]. Mouse speaking, how can I help you?

Caller: Hello, I was there this weekend with my husband and MIL to look at wedding cakes and make my appointments. I have to make a few changes.

Me internally: *Wait… I recognize that accent. No way. No fucking way.*

Me externally: Sure thing, I just need your name and information.

Caller: My name is \[DIL.\] I need to change the servings for the cake. It’s now \[large number.\] And I can’t remember when my appointment is for the design team. So I’m going to need that too.

Me: Not a problem. I just need your passcode to change the cake size and release any information.

Caller: Passcode?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Caller: Oh, um, I forget it. Just tell me.

Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. We value our clients privacy. We are open from \[hours\] on \[days\] if you would like to come in to update your cake or passcode. You can come in any time. You just need to bring your ID.

Caller: …

Me: Ma’am?

Caller: Nevermind. This was very unhelpful! Goodbye!

Me: I apologize again. Have a nice night!

I left a note on DILs appointment file about the call and flagged it to make sure to check the passcode and ID. I left a note to my manager about the call as well. I have a feeling MIL is going to explode at her son and DIL.

Edit: I would love to inform the DIL about the phone call. If it were up to me, I would have called her right away. However, I have to ask my manager first because I don’t want to get fired.

# [Update 2 (4 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/694w74/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_2/)

Protocol for this kind of situation is to call the client within 24 hours to follow up on any change requests that were unable to be filled. My manager left this task up to me since I was the one who initially assisted with the appointment.

I call the DIL and leave a vague message. DIL calls back within an hour and asks to speak to me.

Me: Hello, this is \[Bakery.\] Mouse speaking, how can I help you?

DIL: Hi, this is \[name.\] I got a message saying to call back?

Me: Yes, ma’am. I am just calling to follow up on your request yesterday for the cake changes. I am very sorry I was unable to help. I understand you forgot your passcode and would like to know if you want to come in to change it. You just need to bring an ID with you.

DIL: What changes? What are you talking about? I never called you.

Me: I received a call yesterday at \[time\] requesting the date of your next appointment and a change in cake size.

DIL: I *never* called you! I have my passcode, it’s \[passcode.\] Was anything changed?

Me: No, ma’am, but that is the correct passcode. Would you like to make any changes?

DIL: No. Are you sure someone called about my cake? Nothing was changed?

Me: Yes, ma’am. The woman gave your information but not your passcode. I assure you, no detail was changed or released and nothing will be without your express permission and the passcode.

DIL: *sighs* I think I know what happened. Can you make sure that your bakery knows I will *not* be making any changes over the phone and I want my passcode to stay the same? Anything I do will be in person from now on.

Me: No problem. I’ll flag it now. Is there anything else I can do for you?

DIL: No. Thank you for letting me know. Have a good night.

I told my manager what was said and she is keeping an eye on this account and has flagged it as important. She also sent out a memo about passcodes to be safe. She lives for drama so I think she’s half-hoping the MIL comes in to try something.

# [Update 3 (7 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/69sf3l/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_3/)

We are shortstaffed. Two bakers called out on short notice and we are slammed with giant orders. Because of this, I have been working strictly in the back and I have not even answered the phone because we are so deep in the weeds. The only employees in the store are the bakers, three counter girls, and me. My manager is not due in until mid afternoon.

I’m running back and forth between the back and the front just long enough to drop off pastries when I hear a familiar accent speaking loudly. My butthole puckers because *fuck* this is not the day for this. The oven is beeping so I have no time to eavesdrop. I go about my business and am elbow deep in sugar when the counter girl (CG) calls for me. She sounds close to tears. It is worth mentioning that CG is *sixteen years old.*

She tells me what is going on. MIL came in and asked to change a previous order she placed for a wedding cake. CG says okay, tries to help, and notices the flag so she asks MIL for ID. MIL says she forgot it and tells CG to change it anyway. CG says she can’t and MIL starts to get loud and demands to speak to a manager. CG explains our manager won’t be in until \[time.\] This isn’t acceptable to MIL who proceeds to to turn to the other customers and complain about how “useless teenagers are” and how “unprofessional and unaccommodating” our bakery is. CG asks MIL to not bother the other customers, offers her a free coffee and pastry as an apology, and MIL responds by calling CG a “stupid brat.” This is when CG excused herself and came to get me.

I am pissed because we are too busy for this and people who are rude to employees deserve a special place in hell. You don’t talk to *any* employee like that, let alone a fucking kid. So I tell CG to take a breath, call our manager, and go on break while I handle MIL. (Note: I suck at confrontation, but I am very good at being professional even when upset.)

Me: Hi, \[MIL\]. My name is Mouse. I understand you are having problems with your order. How can I help you?

MIL complains that she needs to show ID, complains about the “unhelpful phone girl,” complains about “disrespectful brats” and finally gets around to telling me that she wants to change HER wedding cake.

Me,: Ma’am, I apologize for your inconvenience, but there is no need to speak about our *teenage* employee like that. Now, let me see what I can do. (I say this louder than normal, but not by much. Just enough for people standing nearby to overhear.)

MIL grunts and tells me to “just fix it.”

Me, still loudly: Oh, ma’am, I see the problem! Your order has been flagged and I can’t make any changes without proper ID or the passcode. If you can provide me with either of these, I will happily assist you.

MIL, yelling: I DON’T HAVE AN ID AND I FORGOT MY PASSCODE. YOU ARE BEING VERY UNHELPFUL.

Me, still loudly: Ma’am, there is no need to yell. I understand your frustrations, but since you made the passcode, I am sure you understand the necessity of it. If you show me ID, I can help you change your passcode. We value our clients privacy and would hate to have any changes made to *your* cake without *your* approval.

MIL looks angry and uncomfortable and says she will be back later. I tell her my manager should be in at \[time\]. I watch her go out to her car and make a phone call. CG comes in from her break and I told her to get me if MIL enters the store again.

So far, MIL hasn’t come back and her car is no longer there. My lunch break is almost over and my manager should be in soon so I will update if anything new occurs.

# [Update 4 (8 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/69uesg/mil_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_4/)

I’ve gotten a lot of comments and PMs commenting on why I played along with the MIL instead of calling her out. There are a few reasons why I didn’t.

1. There is a protocol we have to follow with these situations. This is the first time I have personally had to deal with this, but it’s apparently not the first time someone tried to change an order that wasn’t theirs. Following protocol protects my employment and I *like* my job.
2. Calling her out might have made it so she would just try to find someone who was unfamiliar with her. She’d already been rude to a teenager and I didn’t want to subject anyone else to it. I would rather give her enough rope to hang herself with.
3. I was also concerned she was going to cause a scene. It may just be a small job in a bakery, but I take pride in it and I refuse to allow an entitled cockbagel ruin my other customers experiences.

Onto the update:

My manager came in shortly after my lunch break. She told me to give the DIL a call. MIL came in shortly after and my manager took her into her office.

I called the DIL and explained what happened. She directly asked me if I recognized the woman and I answered honestly. She asked what time my manager and I were off and said she was coming in.

MIL is still in the office with the manager when DIL comes in along with FH. FH looks furious and DIL looks close to tears, so I leave them with hot chocolate and donuts while I go to let my manager know they are here. She asks me to bring them back along with CG.

CG walks into the office followed by me, DIL, and FH. MIL looks absolutely smug until FH walks in the she turns sheet white.

FH: Mom, what are you doing here?

MIL starts answering in a different language.

FH: Mom, no. Speak English. DIL doesn’t speak \[language\] and you know it. You are being rude. What are you doing here?

MIL: I was just asking about the cake and these girls were so unhelpful. You should find another bakery. This place is no good

Manager: Actually, Mouse and CG were following the rules. We explained to you that no changes can be made without a passcode or ID and you refused to provide either.

DIL: I *knew* you tried to change the cake. We told you over and over that we want a small wedding!

MIL: YOU want a small wedding. FH wants a big celebration!

FH: No, I don’t. We agreed on a small wedding because we BOTH want a small wedding.

MIL: Don’t talk to me like that! I deserve respect!

Manager: I’m sorry, but this is not the place for this. DIL, FH, this is the information you gave for cake size and design. Is this correct? \[\*hands paperwork to DIL\]

FH and DIL: Yes.

Manager: Very good. DIL, your name is on the deposit so I want to reassure you again that no changes will be made without your ID. I’m sorry to say that I am no longer comfortable using the passcode you gave.

MIL starts muttering in a different language. FH tells her to stop and MIL gets teary.

DIL: I understand. Thank you so much and I am *so* sorry for all the trouble.

Manager: It’s no trouble at all. I also have to insist that MIL no longer accompanies you to any future appointments. Due to her treatment of my employees, she is no longer welcome on the premises.

MIL starts to sniffle.

FH: That’s not a problem. Mom, stop it. You raised me better so I know you know better.

MIL again starts talking in a different language. FH tells her in English that she owes us an apology. She snaps something back in her language, gathers her purse, and leaves without another word.

DIL still looks close to tears and FH hugs her. I hear him apologize for doubting her. My manager asks if they need a moment and they say no. They apologize again for MIL and CG and I are told to go back to work.

End result: The couple seemed okay when they left and the owner approved a 5% discount on their cake for their suffering. MIL is banned. If she shows up, we are to ask her to leave and call my manager if she is there or the police if she is not.

# [Update 5 (18 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/6bxw0z/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_5/)

I work at the bakery every weekend during the day, but my shifts switch throughout the week depending on my schedules at my other jobs and what needs to be done. Sometimes I work the front helping customers, sometimes I strictly handle the appointments for bridal/special events, and sometimes I just bake. We’ve been a little short-staffed lately so I have been working from 3am-8am, cleaning, doing prep work, organizing, baking, etc.

When I work late, I keep the front lights off and the doors locked. I have even started parking on a well lit side street for safety reasons. And since our kitchen is off to the left, you can”t see the lights unless you are right up against the front door. (This is important.) Basically, the bakery looks deserted.

It’s usually really quiet when I work these hours until about 6ish when people start lining up for the breakfast rush. So when the phone rang at 4, I ignored it. My manager and coworkers have my number and we usually communicate via text, my job is to prep for the morning, and we have an answering machine.

The phone rings again at 4:05. Then 4:10. Again at 4:15. Same at 4:20. I am elbow deep in dough and getting annoyed at the interruptions. The calls keep coming five minutes apart.

At 5am, I snap and answer.

Me: Good morning, this is \[Bakery\]. Mouse speaking, how can I help you?

MIL: Finally! I have been calling for over an hour! Why you no answer? Nevermind. I need to speak to someone in charge immediately.

Internal monologue. *That fucking accent. Okay, don’t jump to conclusions. It might be someone else with the same accent.*

Me externally: I apologize, ma’am, but we are closed at the moment so –

MIL: No, don’t lie! You are *not* closed.

Me: I am very sorry, ma’am, but we are. Our hours are \[x to y\]. Someone will be available to help you then.

MIL: No, that is no good. The people who work then are bad people. Unprofessional and bad! You help me. I need information on \[DIL’s name\] cake.

Internally: *Fuuuuck this bitch.*

Me: Ma’am. We are *closed.* I cannot help you with anything right now. Our hours are \[x to y\] if you would like to call back then.

MIL: No! I need help NOW! You lie! I know you are open now! Open the door! I can see the lights on!

Now, I am going through some shit right now that has me genuinely terrified about 80% of the time. I am an anxious mess 95% of the time. The only way this woman could see the kitchen light is if she is at our front door with her face against the glass so I overreact, freak the fuck out, hang up on her, and proceed to have a panic attack over the sourdough.

The phone rings two more times, mid panic, before going blissfully silent.

I text a warning to my manager and my coworker who is due to come in and help me open. My coworker texts me back a few emojis and a wtf and my manager calls to tell me that she’s on her way and she wants me to stay inside.

My manager got there about fifteen minutes later and there was no one on the property but me. There were about 20 or so cigarette butts right outside the door though and I had swept the sidewalk/entrance before I went inside so we think MIL was camping out for a good while. My manager decides right then that we’re no longer allowed to open or prep alone and there have to be at least two people on shift at all times. She also left a message for the owner and DIL about what happened but my shift ended before either of them called back so I don’t know if anything came of the calls.

# [Update 6 (20 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/6ccpv0/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_6/)

After crazy MIL decided to scare the shit out of my by lurking creepily in the shadows while the bakery was closed, the owner had enough. Apparently, she called the couple, explained what had happened, and told them that she was going to call the police the next time the MIL showed up. She said she would understand if they switched bakeries and she would refund their deposit with no problem but she would not allow her employees to be harassed or scared. DIL apologized for the MILs actions, assured her there would “be a conversation about her behavior,” and didn’t want to switch bakeries because both she and FH were “impressed with the professionalism and safety given to the cake.” They also supported the owners decision to call the police. (Apparently, FH seemed to waver a bit on this point, but he got on board when the owner offered again to refund their deposit.)

So that’s the end of it right? The happy couple talked to the MIL, she understood where she went wrong, and all was right in the world.

Ha. Ha. Fuck no, this is JustNoMIL.

Since the MIL learned that just showing up isn’t going to get her anywhere and she was told the police will be called if she comes back, she’s taken to calling randomly. Our new line when she calls to make changes is “I’m sorry. We no longer make changes on cakes of this magnitude over the phone. Please come in during normal hours so we can assist you.” It doesn’t stop her from repeatedly calling.

The conversation is always the same. We answer and she gives us the DIL’s name and asks when her next appointment is or tells us to make changes. We tell her we can’t give out that information and give her the aforementioned line, and she asks to speak to “someone in charge.” We put her on hold, she hangs up, and calls back a little while later to try again.

All this over a fucking cake. I will write the update on the tasting and design appointment when I have a bit more time.

Ohh, I *did* get permission from my manager to talk to the DIL about this sub. I wrote the information on a card like madpiratebippy suggested and handed it to her with an explanation of what it was. I offered to delete the posts if she found it upsetting or invasive that I wrote about her but she said she was “tickled pink” about it and thought it was funny. She said she’s mostly on Tumblr and Pinterest but she might check it out. Hello, if you’re lurking! *Waves*

EDIT:

While I would love to simply hang up on the woman, tell her I know who she really is, pretend that I’m Borat, or otherwise screw with her, I have to toe the line. My boss and manager run the show and I follow their lead. I am just an employee.

# [Update 7 (22 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/6coctf/mip_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_7/)

DIL and FH had their tasting and design appointment over the weekend. MIL called in the middle of it and FH left to handle her. DIL started to angry cry and I tried to comfort her. This is when I told her of this subs existence and she was really amused at the fact that I wrote about her because her “monster in law” is so awful. She said none of her friends believe anyone can be this insane. I gave her the link and said we are her people and will believe her. She said she mostly uses tumblr and Pinterest but she might post or browse and gave me permission to not only continue writing but to give more detail.

The happy couple is having an Alice in Wonderland tea party theme wedding. They are having the ceremony and the wedding reception at a small park. MIL is desperate to have the ceremony at her church and has put a deposit on a hall for the reception. She is pushing for a religious ceremony and has invited members of her family and church that the couple don’t know.

The cake the couple settled on is one of our colorful and less traditional ones. They are having us decorate it with scenes from Alice in Wonderland and are using the Mad Hatter and Queen of Hearts as cake toppers. (I saw the toppers. So cute.) Their guest list is only 40 people so they ordered a cake that serves 50.

MIL keeps trying to change the cake to a three tier classic cake design. Since she doesn’t actually know what the finished cake will look like, she keeps calling and saying she wants us to “forget what was said and do what \[she’s\] saying.” She wants it all classic white with edible beading and the cake has to serve 200.

That is not a typo. The couple has a guest list of 40. The MIL has added a full 160 people to it.

While I was trying to comfort her, DIL informed me that her MIL has gone crazy since they got engaged. She was always “traditional and stuffy” but went nuts after the engagement. She keeps leaving messages and showing up at their house uninvited. FH is waffling a lot because he feels “stuck between two important women.” And apparently he tried to get DIL to let his mother plan more of the wedding because his “mom couldn’t afford to have the wedding she wanted.”

I gently reminded her that this was *her* wedding, not her MIL’s and she laughed. She apparently told FH he could go marry his mother if he was so keen on giving his mother the wedding of her dreams instead of his future wife. She said she’s getting really frustrated at the both of them. The designer who is doing the cake actually laughed at this and said his boyfriend was a mama’s boy but reformed so he sympathizes. I told her I also had a terrible FMIL. DIL said FH is getting better at saying no and she really appreciates how much we are protecting the cake.

FH came back looking angry and the bitch session ended. We went back to details and flavors. At the end of the appointment, the DIL hugged us both. I quietly reassured her that the cake would be safe before they left. DIL and I exchanged numbers and have texted a bit. FH is apparently developing a baby spine and MIL is not happy.

Bonus:

MIL is doing the phone version of “I’M NOT TOUCHING YOU I’M NOT TOUCHING YOU!” She knows she is banned and hasn’t stopped calling. Now, in addition to trying to change the cake and find out appointment details, she is trying to add 8 loaves of sourdough to the order. What the fuck, lady?

Edit: MIL has been uninvited from the wedding. DIL told FH that if MIL is coming to the wedding, she won’t be. He agreed. DIL hired security to check ID and two of them are going to accompany the cake when it is being delivered. (She paid for this herself and told the security that only she – not FH- can change the approval list.)

# [Update 8 (26 May 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/6dd6he/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_8/)

My week has sucked. I got fired from one of my jobs and had a breakdown. My neighbor has taken to frying fish in the hallway for some unknown reason and the smell invades my apartment. I’m broke, stressed, and sleep deprived. I ran out of Nutella and I am PMSing. Basically, I am at my limit.

So when crazy cake obsessed MIL decided to act like a corn-studded turd, I ran out of patience.

At about 5 this morning, MIL called. My coworker was busy, so I answered and we went through the same conversation we’ve been going through all fucking week. She hangs up. Around 8:30, she tries again. I answer again. Then at around 10, we have the following conversation.

Me: Good morning, this is \[bakery\], Mouse speaking, how can I –

MIL: You again? Why are you always on the phone?

Me: …I work here? (Note: I am very tired and this confused me. I actually questioned if I was at the right job for a brief second.)

Her: I want to speak to someone else! Give me someone in charge.

Me: My manager isn’t here but I can have her call if –

She hung up. Well, fuck you too, lady.

A little while later, I am helping a customer when I notice my teenage coworker getting upset on the phone. She is 16 years old and new to counter work. This is her first job so she hasn’t had her soul sucked out through retail work yet. I figure she’s dealing with an irritable customer and gesture to let her know I can take the call. (My soul was lost to the ether long ago.) She shakes her head at me and hangs up.

More time passes. I overhear my teenage coworker getting upset on the phone again so I pause and eavesdrop. She keeps repeating that she’s sorry but there’s nothing she can do over the phone. A few seconds later, I can hear yelling through the phone even though I am several feet away, there are customers in the store, and our coffee machine is going off. Teenage Coworker seems close to tears so I grab the phone from her and listen.

It’s crazy cake MIL. Of course.

MIL: – fucking girls are so unprofessional and unhelpful! You young people are awful! You’re all too busy on spreading your legs for your boyfriends on the computers to understand how to give good customer service! Now are you going to fucking help me or do I have to take my business elsewhere?

Me: I think it would be best if you did take your business elsewhere.

MIL: What did you just say? Who is this? What happened to the other girl?

Me: I said I think it’s best if you take your business elsewhere. And my name is Mouse. I am the person you will be dealing with from now on unless you would prefer to speak to my manager.

MIL: You don’t want my business?

Me: Not particularly, ma’am.

MIL: What? I want to speak to the other girl. You are a nasty *nasty* woman! This is not how you treat people!

I usually pride myself on my patience, but I snap and step out of bounds.

Me: Ma’am, I heard the way you were speaking to her and you should be ashamed of yourself. She is sixteen years old and since you seem incapable of being polite, it’s best that you deal with an adult. From now on, your only interactions will be with the manager or me.

She tries to argue and I cut her off.

Me: You have also been told repeatedly that changes cannot be made over the phone. We do not make changes to wedding cakes over the phone specifically to avoid what you are trying to do. If you have concerns about the cake, I suggest you discuss it with your son and future daughter-in-law since it is their cake. Not yours. You are not the customer. You are not allowed to make changes to their order. It will never happen. Now, is there anything unrelated to your son’s wedding I can help you with?

MIL: No.

She hung up and I called my manager right away and explained what happened. I was expecting to get in trouble, but she was fine with it. She said she’d be sure to tell the owner what happened and told me not to worry.

I also sent a warning text to her DIL. (We’ve become sort of friends since her tasting and design appointment.) I told her I snapped at her MIL, she knows for sure that she’s been caught trying to change the cake again, and I apologized for any blowback. She texted back that she was sorry she missed it and joked that she might want to hire me as one of her security guards for the wedding.

MIL didn’t call back during the rest of my shift

Seriously though, fuck this week.

# [Update 9 (2 June 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/6ewzai/mil_in_the_wild_wedding_cake_edition_update_9/)

Note: I am posting this with the DIL’s permission. So please don’t send me PMs about how horrible of a person or employee I am for invading someone’s privacy. She knows I am posting and I email her a copy for approval before I post.

The wedding has been called off.

Crazy cake MIL has only called five times that I know of since I called her out on her bullshit. I answered twice and she hung up both times. My coworkers who answered the other times hung up on her as soon as they realized who she was. (The bakery owner *finally* agreed to let us just hang up instead of feeding into her fuckery.)

After the cake tasting and design appointment, DIL and I became fast friends. We bonded over our shared love of fairy tales and the fact that we both had to deal with batshit MILs. I kept her updated on any calls from her MIL and she vented to me about wedding planning.

A couple of days ago, she came into the bakery for coffee. She seemed upset so I talked to her over my lunch hour. She told me her FH has been asking her to not only reinvite his mother to the wedding, but to let her become more involved in the planning. She asked my advice and I kind of evaded the question. (I didn’t evade it because I didn’t want to help her. I just know that I am not the most unbiased person to ask due to my own shitty experiences with an ex and his psycho mother. “Run, Forrest, run” is not the most empathetic or helpful advice to give to someone blinded by love.)

Instead of telling her to flee like Bambi from a forest fire, I told her to try to objectively look at her future, think about what she wanted in her relationship, and the things she was willing to sacrifice or compromise on to maintain her relationship. She thanked me, said she was going to think about things then talk to her FH, and she would keep me updated.

DIL called me a little while ago in tears. She ended things with her FH. She found out he was playing both sides. He was telling her that he supported whatever decision she made while telling his mother that he agreed that DIL was being too controlling and he would try to talk her into allowing her to attend the wedding. DIL and FH argued and he accused her of not understanding the importance of family to Greek women and said he didn’t want to get married if his mom couldn’t attend. When she agreed that marriage was a mistake, he tried to backtrack and say he was bluffing, but she stuck to her guns. Everything is in her name including their house so she is staying with her sister while he moves back in with his mom.

DIL is coming in tomorrow to make a few alterations to her cake order. She said she is changing her wedding into a “celebration of freedom.” She is inviting all of her friends that she had to cut off the guest list to make room for his friends/family. (She says I am invited too.) She said she is increasing the cake size to fit her bigger but more casual party and also as a low-key fuck you to her MIL.

Since the relationship is over, I am pretty sure I won’t have any more updates. Sorry, llamas, but here endeth the saga.

Edit: DIL has friends helping her exFH move to get him out quicker and to prevent him from screwing with the house. She has her dogs with her so he can’t take them either. She already spoke to a lawyer about how to get possession of the car she lets him use back and changed the Netflix passcode because – in her words – “fuck him if he thinks he can benefit off of my sweat.”

Edit 2: I told DIL about the overwhelming support and response and she sends her thanks. She is still in the rage phase of the breakup but is starting to feel sad and betrayed. ExFH has already started with the normal manipulative bullshit to get her back. (Apologies, begging, offers of counseling, claiming it was a “misunderstanding.”) She hasn’t fallen for it yet. ExFH has moved out and she was going to check on the house and replace the locks when she left the bakery this morning.

# [Final update (19 July 2017)](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetterstoJNMIL/comments/6i5fyi/crazy_cake_mil_from_my_mil_in_the_wild_saga_is/)

Crazy Cake Bitch is a petty and malicious bitch. A few things she has done since the wedding was canceled:

* called my manager and accused “the chubby slut with the scar” of “ruining my wedding.” Yes, she referred to it as her wedding. No, I did not get in trouble.
* stuffed flyers about the sins of homosexuality into the mail slot at the bakery. (What the fuck?)
* tried to place an order for her own wedding cake under her own name. We declined.
* stood in the parking lot screaming obscenities at the door until my manager called the police. She left before they arrived.
* stole exFDIL’s garbage cans. (Again, what the fuck?)
* kicked over exFDIL’s potted plants
* tried and failed to kick over exFDIL’s mailbox
* poured an unknown substance on her lawn
* sent a letter to exFDIL’s work accusing her of malpractice. (She works in the medical field.)
* posted a *fuckton* of statuses on social media about blood being thicker than water, revenge being a dish best served cold, and something about whores these days not understanding family values. She ended each post with “\[ExFDIL’s Name\] should see this.”
* left a note taped to exFDIL’s door threatening to take her to court over the car. The car that is in exFDIL’s name because exFDIL paid for it.
* tried to enter exFDIL’s house while she was at work. The keys didn’t fit so she tried to pry open the garage door. When that didn’t work, she stole the garbage cans I mentioned earlier. (DIL saw all this on her security footage.)
* has left multiple voicemails on exFDIL’s phone stating that she is willing to try to resolve things through her church if she will just “learn her place.”

In case you were wondering where her fuckwit of a FH is, he is still trying to get DIL back. He has sent her flowers and balloons at work, made a new email account to contact her with promises of cutting his mom out of his life, etc. She has not wavered once. He really screwed himself when he threatened to take her dogs away. He claims he only said it “in desperation” but she gives no fucks.

​

**Reminder- I am not the OP. They haven’t posted about this situation any further however as the wedding is off and the main issue re. the cake is now moot I’ve marked this as concluded.**

2022-08-05 22:45:35

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49 Comments

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  1. Good lord what a story. I’m so glad she left before marrying that clown.

    Also how sad is it that bakeries have a freaking protocol to follow because people try to change orders that aren’t their own???

  2. Holy wow! Can you imagine dealing with that mother in law for life?! The bride avoided a nuke, good for her!

  3. And this was only the CAKE. Can you imagine what must have been happening with all the other wedding vendors, on top of what we heard here with the cake issue?

  4. “if my mom can’t come we aren’t getting married”

    “okay, it’s over!”

    “wait no! not like that!”

  5. I’m glad the former bride decided to keep the cake- after everything she went through with her wimp of an ex and his insane mom, she deserved it.

  6. >tells me to make a note to not share the password with her future husband

    And this is when I knew the relationship was doomed. Thankfully the bride figured it out before she actually got married to that spineless mama’s boy.

  7. To the former groom: Congratulations, you played yourself.

    To the former bride: Congratulations, you rock.

    To the OOP: I hope things have gotten better for you.

    And to the OP: thanks for sharing this! It was a great read!

  8. Good on the DIL for getting out of that relationship, although, i would be petty and reply on Facebook the JNMIL is the reason for the relationship ending due to all the things she’s done.

  9. I like to hear when people set and follow boundaries. It’s sad to see people have to break up with the people they loved because they found out they weren’t the person they thought they were, but it’s good to see people like exDIL who know their boundaries and won’t let people trample all over them.

  10. If the son had any spine, he would have cut his mother off long before it got to that point. As it is, playing double agent ruins any credibility of his forever. Now, even if he says he’s gone NC, you (DIL) can’t trust him to still be talking to his mom

  11. Holy @#$!, I cannot fathom being so obsessed with turning your child’s wedding into your dream wedding that you would call and harass a bakery like that. Like, even assuming that they DIDN’T have such an awesome employee standing guard and they DID make her changes to the order, what was the end-game she’s imagining here? The kids are going to have follow-up meetings with the bakery anyway as the date gets closer, at which point they will notice her subterfuge and undo it; if they’re smart about it, they won’t make the mistake of telling MIL this time. Does she honestly expect them to roll over and invite 5x as many guests for a big church function?

    Some people really just don’t have anything better to do, I guess.

  12. I approve of DIL drawing a line in the sand about messing with her dogs. You don’t come back from that shit, not ever.

  13. You just know Mom was doing the same thing with every other vendor she could find, too. Exhausting.

    I have some sympathy for mama’s boys, in general. Being raised by someone who demands constant appeasement so she doesn’t fly into a rage must do a real number on your head. There can be real trauma involved. But I see so many of them playing both sides like this, not just failing to stand up to their mothers but actively encouraging them in secret. Your partner is going to find out, guys!

  14. Imagine getting what you wanted (she wanted to marry her own son*, right? She has the church and I’m sure there are other bakeries that can get her her classic giant plain cake), and still spending most of your energy harassing your exDIL and doing more and more things that will get you a restraining order or an arrest.

    ExDIL dodged a multi-pronged, screechy bullet for sure.

    *let’s be real, she would’ve shown up to that wedding dressed in a fucking wedding gown.

  15. Im surprised the DIL had as much patience as she did. And that bakery sounds horrible to work at… basically allowing people (who aren’t even customers!) to harass their employees for so long.

  16. Instead of all these shenanigans to change the cake specifications, did it ever occur to MIL that she could have just ordered another bigger cake herself? Lol.

  17. Man, that was a rollercoaster ride. As long ago as all of this was, I was half expecting OOP and DIL to tie the knot here in ’22 at the end of the whole saga.

  18. Sounds like they didn’t need a model for the Queen of Hearts cake topper! What a horror. Glad the Bride made a get away, and good for her on throwing a party with the cake.

  19. This bride and OP have more patience than me! I would have cut that family out of my SO FAST.
    I also would have been fired from that job.

    Glad that DIL got out and made a good friend of OP!

  20. >The wedding has been called off.

    And another DH with no spine.

    > I told her to try to objectively look at her future, think about what she wanted in her relationship, and the things she was willing to sacrifice or compromise on to maintain her relationship.

    Solid advice from OOP. Glad DIL took it.

  21. These poor women. You should get a restraining order from insane exMIL. Part of me sighs with relief and celebrates that these women have escaped a lifetime of these mad antics. Much love to OP and brave exDIL.

  22. This really was an epic saga.

    No longer FMIL needs to get a visit from the police. I would use any camera footage, and whatever else the crazy lady does and try to get a restraining order.
    She hasn’t harmed her personally, but she’s damaging her home.

  23. OOP has her own horrifying saga if someone wants to put it together. Her MIL Giada is one of the most terrible beings.

  24. Am I the only one who low-keep was hoping to see a pic of the cake with alice in wonderland theme ? ^^ Now I crave cake, will run to the kitchen. So happy for the DIL to get rid of this never ending drama tho ^^

  25. Mom sounds like she needs a slap in the mouth. Apparently that’s the type of traditionalism that would have her fall in line.

    And no one will, which is why this had ten fucking updates

  26. I remember this – and Mouses story as well 😬. The DIL in this story also posted on JNOMIL as well from what I can recall.

  27. Know your place under my abusive, crazy, demanding thumb, and accept my rights to scream filth at teenagers!

  28. What a mess! Crazy Cake Lady is a menace. I hope the poor woman (ex-FDIL) has moved on and is living her best, drama free life, and that OOP is thriving.

  29. Wow that was all over the place and I read each update with bated breath over how crazy the ex MIL would get. Glad the ex bride to be finally came to her senses and called off the wedding and is living happily ever after away from the crazy. Although it seems the ex MIL is still being crazy to her.

  30. wow this was a great read and im glad the FDIL kicked him out he still stuck to mummys apron she has dodged a missile here never mind a bullet and well done to the bakery for there professionalism in all this hope all work out for the FDIL and the OP whom lost a job good luck and take care (this is one of the best subs i have read in the past 3 months since i joined here)

  31. >DIL turns to the spineless wonder that is her FH – who has been silently staring at the floor like he wants to become one with it

    That’s when I knew she shouldn’t marry him

    >She takes me up on the offer, tells me to make a note to not share the password with her future husband

    That’s when I wondered why she even entertained the idea of marrying him. The guy has no spine but, to marry him, she should at least wrongly trust he would have her back but she clearly was aware he wouldn’t, so why marry him??

    >When she agreed that marriage was a mistake, he tried to backtrack and say he was bluffing, but she stuck to her guns.

    The relief!!

    That being said, the guy shows so many red flags before she discovers he was playing both sides which made her cancel the wedding. That’s the lesson: red flags shouldn’t be ignored, this wedding should have been cancel at the latest when the future bride couldn’t even trust her future husband with a cake password!

  32. Imagine trying to win someone back while your mom is simultaneously harassing them like this? No way he doesn’t know it’s happening.