Adam Levine’s (Alleged) Sexts Are Amazingly Bad

592 shares, 841 points

Adam Levine’s (Alleged) Sexts Are Amazingly Bad

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592 shares, 841 points


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  1. >“Watching your ass jiggle on that table will permanently scar me,” one message reads. “I’d do anything for it. I’d buy it a steak dinner and whisper sweet nothings into it.”

    Sounds just like all of his songs.

  2. Remember when they played the Super Bowl and he pulled his shirt off to show everyone the latest Chipotle menu? That was sweet!

  3. “Adam Levine sexual DMs are the Maroon 5 of sexual DMs, if that makes sense.”

    Sir, nothing has ever made *more* sense.

  4. Fact: All original members of this band were rich kids from Brentwood. One of their best friends was the grandson on Graham Nash who got them signed and arranged for top notch production. Their original name was Kara’s Flowers and their a bunch of shitty racist fucks. Every track on their first album is a ripoff and every album after that is just absolute, phoned-in dogshit. Why they have a following at all is a testament to human ignorance.

  5. ” But the wording is so awkward; by emphasizing someone’s aliveness, one might be implying that everyone else is dead, which is false. Or drawing attention to the fact that the textee could one day be dead. Why would you do that? Are you Dracula?”

    Everything else aside this might be the first time I’ve laughed this much at buzzfeed in over ten years

  6. What a scumbag.

    Sidenote: Always thought it was funny that the guy with the thinnest voice I’ve ever heard was on a show called “The Voice.”

    Sidenote 2: Also probably the worst halftime show ever.

  7. It’s a mark of insecurity for a man like Levine to require that much attention. And it’s kinda pathetic, too. If you can’t remain faithful to one woman, why get married? Do some people not listen to their vows? And if you don’t wanna be with just one woman, that’s grand -then be honest enough to not drag another person’s heart around while you get your kicks.

    In other words, stop being a complete douchebag. What an ass. I don’t GAF how much $$$ or fame he has. He’s a twat.

  8. What did ya’ll expect? This lame ass is a “rock star” only to legions of soccer moms out there. Maroon 5’s music is ass.

  9. Well what the hell do you expect. If he said anything remotely raunchy he’d be cancelled and labeled a sex predator. He’s just smart enough to not do that.

  10. Imagine being a grownup and liking anything this person has contributed to music. I’m not saying to take a deep dive into Charlie Parker, but Maroon 5 has always been that moldy bit of scrum on the backside of a toilet. There’s a whole world of music out there ffs.

  11. the length of this article is leaving me pretty dismayed with journalism. much like.. well, anything from Buzzfeed.

  12. Who cares about sextet better things to worry about like war world III may be on the way or global warming,asteroid or or perhaps we can’t even afford buying the essential after this crazy inflation