Wedding in August, canceled because of numerous reasons

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+101 – So me and my girlfriend are meant to be getting married in august this year. We have a kid together and a mortgage. We are both 28.

About 6 weeks ago she said she felt wierd etc and thinks she loves me because I’m the baby’s dad and no on a relationship level. I gave her space and supposedly this made her realise how much she loves me and misses me etc.

I come home from work and nothings changed. Get the odd compliment. Never hugs and rarely kisses me. It’s always me making the first move with everything. Weirdly still when she goes out with her mates she’s not getting in untill 6 am. This is everytime she goes out now.

She asked me before what’s going on with the wedding. I said cancel it and made various reasons regarding the info I mentioned above. Basically just said your living a single life at the minute and have no respect for me or the baby with these 6am nights out. Do you miss me? No. Do you hug me. No. So why would I want to get married to someone who doesn’t do none of these things and genuinely isn’t interested in me.

Hopefully I’m making the right decision.
What do you guys think?

2022-04-04 10:43:07

[+101] |

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  1. No you’re absolutely making the right decision. It doesn’t sound like she wants to marry you either and probably want to stay together for the child. It’s better that you discuss separating rather than rescheduling the wedding.

  2. So, at this point you sound like roommates. She doesn’t want to leave because she’s comfortable, once you gave her space and she realized how much she relied on you, she came running back lovebombing you to keep you around. Goes out until 6 am while you have a toddler at home? It sounds more like you’re a live-in babysitter rather than someone she’s about to marry. It also sounds like she just wants the title of being married instead of working for it.

    She told you how she felt already, she loves you because you’re the baby’s father, not romantically. This relationship seems to be mostly over, hopefully you two can coparent effectively.

  3. Seems like you’re useful as a babysitter while she has gone back to the single life.

    Was the baby planned as it sounds like she’s not 100% into being a full time mother?

    I would absolutely not get married at this point. You need to get couples counselling to help you both decide what it is you want before you even consider it.

    Having a wedding will not fix what is currently broken. It will probably make it worse as you’ll both feel even more trapped once it’s legal and binding.

  4. NTA. Maybe it’s time for you to have your own living space and work out custody and co-parenting plans, so you can move on and find someone who DOES love you the way you deserve.

  5. Reply
    throwra987789987789 April 4, 2022 at 2:17 pm

    You are on point. Talk about a person having some self respect. You are doing it right. One thing you have to realize. She is 28 and living her single life. She has no respect for you. If she is out until 6 am she probably has a side piece. The only thing not making you awesome is if at 6 am you walk her to the streets. She isn’t even ready to be a mom. Continue to work on yourself, be the best version you can be. Best of luck

  6. Reply
    the_littlest_ella April 4, 2022 at 2:17 pm

    You’ve got two options.

    1. Try to work on the relationship to med it and be in a better position, for this to work, you both need to be willing to try. This could include individual and/or couples counseling. But absolutely must start with better communication between the two of you. You both have to be active participants in making this work.

    2. You decide that the relationship needs to end. It’s one thing cancelling the wedding, it’s a good decision because you clearly aren’t in a healthy place to be going ahead with that. But it’s no use simply carrying on how you are.
    Baby or not, there is no use staying in a relationship that doesn’t work and it’s never going to benefit the child. They should have a better example of a healthy relationship to grow up with. And sometimes it’s better to go it alone than continue a bad relationship.

    Personally if I were you, I’d try option one. Talk to her about how you feel, what you want, that you would like things to be better. But also find out about how she feels, what she is willing to do. You never know it may change things for the better or it may simply highlight that there isn’t really a future.

    Good luck.

  7. Great decision. Now work on the selling of the house and separating your lives

  8. Definitely the right decision, do not get married to her. I would like to add: you’re living as roommates. If she wants to live the single life, let her live on her own. Sort out custody and let her get her own living arrangements.

    She probably doesn’t want to leave because she is fine coming home to a place where everything is arranged but that’s tough luck.

  9. Before anyone mentions. No she’s not cheating on me.
    I also know things change after a baby but the baby is 2 in May. These things have happened the past 6 month

  10. Staying out late. Lack if feelings for you.

    Sounds like she doing the pick me dance without knowing it.

  11. Making the right call

    Also never get married, just one more chance for you to lose half your shit

    This coming from a guy who’s married and would never even entertain marriage again (and my marriage is fine) Honestly it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on

  12. Good for you. No reasonable excuse for her to be out till 6am.

  13. Reply
    Delicious-Willow-527 April 4, 2022 at 2:17 pm

    💯 right decision.

  14. Reply
    lulubelleknitting April 4, 2022 at 2:17 pm

    It sounds like you are really over being treated like this, so in your shoes I’d cancel the wedding and figure out co parenting as friends. Good luck

  15. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

    Sometimes it’s hard to end something because you still love the person but a relationship needs the participants to be in love to work.

  16. 100% the right decision. She has a lot of growing up to do, and those plans don’t currently include you. Maybe she’s drinking, maybe she’s looking at clouds, maybe she’s in someone else’s bed. Really doesn’t matter. She’s putting off responsibility. Wise decision to not bring marriage into this

  17. If she was having doubts about how she feels about you and now you’re having doubts because nothing has changed, you’re making the right decision. It kind of sounds like she takes you for granted and getting married won’t change that. It would only get worse. I don’t think it would be a terrible idea for you to ask for some space and firmly insist on it. It is unfortunate that some people don’t realize what they have when they do have it. I genuinely hope everything works out for you OP

  18. Reply
    Zestyclose_Setting99 April 4, 2022 at 2:17 pm

    Oh shit I’m triggered. She reminds me of myself with my fiance when the baby was young. I was an ass hole. She’s being an ass hole. But unfortunately she needs to realize it for herself. You laid it out for her. Now it’s her choice to make this relationship work. Ball is in her court. Sure put off the wedding until she gets her shit together.

    For me it took 6 months. I realized I was a damn fool. Luckily she took me back. Just give her space. If she loves you she’ll come back. But remember you are under no obligation to take her back. And be strong and put your foot down. If she’s acting like she’s single she isn’t prioritizing your relationship or the baby.

  19. Nights out that end at 6am with a 2yr old baby? The breakup is far too overdue anyway. Sell the house or one of you move out and co-parent.

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